Hello everyone and welcome to February 2022. Maybe it’s just me, but this year is moving very swiftly, I barely have time to properly function as a human being. Early this year I was in the United States and coming back after such a long trip and such a large time gap I felt a little jet-lagged, to say the least, but it’s looking as though that jet lag just won’t go away. It’s been three weeks and I still don’t know how to pull my life together and make it organised again. I feel as though many of you can relate to me on that. It’s so hard to motivate yourself to do something when you feel burned out on the inside. The new year was supposed to be the year for my personal and professional growth but I’m finding that the closer I get to my goals the more afraid and uncertain I feel.
Last year I joined the IT and Sales sphere by accident and ended up really loving the job and the benefits that come with it. In December I was offered a position that was way too amazing to turn down with Slack/ Salesforce. The team are so kind and amazing, it’s making me extremely anxious. I’m not used to people being nice without a motive and people being nice in general so I’m terrified I’m not going to fit in or make a fool of myself somehow. Adult life is very scary, I wake up in the morning and I’ll see people my age only focusing on their studies, living their best lives and going abroad for a gap year. I’ve worked almost non-stop from the age of thirteen. I never had that carefree phase in my life and I’m not exactly sad about it, but it makes me feel alien to the people my age.
If everything will go according to plan I will receive my diploma this year and retire from professional journalism, focusing more on personal projects and writing my new novel. I will hopefully have settled into my new job and recover a routine in my life. Although I may have paved a way for myself to enjoy a stable lifestyle it sometimes feels as though I have somehow skipped my 20s and gone straight to my 30s. But when I feel down I always think back to where I came from and where I am now, how much I’ve grown and how much more I will grow. Sometimes imposter syndrome creeps up on you but I think it’s important to give yourself a break, as long as you need, to just think and allow yourself to eat that extra cookie, allow yourself to sleep a few hours more, let the dishes sit in the sink. You don’t have to be perfect all the time, no one is happy every day of their lives and burnout isn’t just a one day sleep fix, it can sometimes last weeks or even months, for some it can last years! The quicker you stop comparing your life to others and start taking care of yourself, then you will find that you’re in control. For me, that control comes from travelling the world for only a few days, a little weekend getaway. On the 4th of February, I will be in Milan.
That’s all for this entry, remember you matter and you belong.