I remember being at the airport, almost having my third panic attack that month, anxious to move to a far-off country I knew nobody in. In my mind, I kept repeating “This is what you wanted, it is all going to be fine.”
Rationally, I knew it was true, but it didn’t feel like that at all. The anticipation was gone all of a sudden, and the reality hit me like a slap in the face. I was about to move in with strangers without having seen them once, without a lease or any security whatsoever. I arrived at home and my bubble was crashed.
I cried for a whole week, unhappy with my accommodation and the lack of social interaction. This was not the dream I worked for. I was too proud to admit it to anyone but it was too soon to give up. It’s strange how you can convince yourself to do things you swore you would never do. You think: My body can’t take it. And then you do it anyway.
You get creative in finding a way to make it happen. Looking back these were just small obstacles I learned to live with.
Then college started.
Everything felt exciting again. I signed up for twenty plus societies, unable to choose when I had so many options. I quickly made friends and everything that appeared to be horrible in the beginning seemed so tiny now. People say time flies but that happens when you look back. If you fill every second of your time with valuable memories, it feels more like years have passed by within a month.
I don’t even want to go back anymore, I don’t want to waste any second, just soak up as much as I can. Bad things keep happening, you learn from them and move on, no time to get upset about it. You find a solution or you cope with it. Discover what is strange to you; unknown realities might change your life for good. You will realize how absolutely microscopic your existence is in the whole picture.
Leaving everything you know behind, starting from scratch and getting out of your comfort zone can be very scary but I promise you, it will all be worth it.
Now that I am back in Germany, I wish I could store the memories in a jar and revisit them whenever I miss the student life in Galway. Enjoy the ride because the opportunity might not come a second time.
