When we were children, we used to dream of growing up, being adults and the possibility of living in our own house. We dreamed and imagined it, but as we grew into our teenage years, the thought of living in our own space felt within grasp as the want for privacy increased tenfold. Secondary school neared to a close and, with college in the distance, the decision to move out of your home house to student accommodation loomed.
I lived in my home house during my college years, but it was only after I dropped out that I started looking for a job; after securing my occupation I made the decision to move out from my parent’s country house to my Nan’s house in the city. My Nan always assured me that the house would always be there for me if I decided to move out with friends in the future, that one sentence made me feel safe and secure.
However, tragedy hit quicker than I ever expected and the day I moved into my Nan’s house was the night that she died. I was witness to her passing. When someone witnesses something life-changing and upsetting, it changes them, the situation makes you grow up quicker than what you were ready for, it matures you in a way that people still have yet to experience when they’re twenty years old, my age at the time. Fear crept in; I would have to pay the bills there, clean and look after the house, make my own dinners and so much more. These were all basic skills we learn at home, where I picked all these skills up from (Thanks Mum!), but it was still scary. I was trying to be an adult without feeling like a true one because of the grief and sadness that drowned me day after day.
After nearly three years of living in her house, I finally moved somewhere new with my partner and I had no choice but to welcome in all those feelings of stress, worry and fear again. The worry of gathering enough rent to pay each month, managing bill expenses, to manage food and other basic living expenses, the responsibility to maintain a clean household and also, to wash our own laundry. We may take a look at that list and think that it’s too much; that moving out proves to be too much, but everything is simple when you break it down. Make a routine for yourself and you’ll find that integrating unexpected things that might pop up in your day-to-day routine will be easier.
When we were growing up, we used to think of making dinner and cleaning as the biggest inconveniences; all we wanted to do was go out with friends or chill out on our phones in our bedrooms, but these are life skills that we must learn. We must be able to face the stress of moving out and putting a little bit of money away each week from our income for rent, we need to look after ourselves as a person by keeping ourselves fed and watered and in a good mindset; just because you’ve moved out or are going to move out doesn’t mean that you have to give up your social or personal lives, find that balance and once you find it, it all slots into place like a perfect puzzle. The fear of moving out isn’t a permanent thing, its only temporary, fear is just a passing emotion, a passing feeling. Trust me, you’ll find comfort in being in your own place with no threat of your Mam hollering your name from downstairs only for you to respond with a “What?” that gets louder every single time she calls your name; you do be thinking to yourself Can she not me hear saying “what?”, like?
