As it stands, we’ve had three different actors portray Batman in the past decade; Christian Bale, Ben Affleck and the new kid on the block Robert Pattinson, and that’s not even mentioning the TV appearances. Is it time for the caped crusader to hang up his cape, at least temporarily? Or are there still mysteries for the world’s greatest detective to unravel?
We as an audience need to, and please know I am answering wholeheartedly and with the utmost sincerity, stop obsessing over this billionaire freak with pointy ears and a latex fetish. There are plenty of other superheroes out there and trust me you do not want to go down the rabbit hole of realising the eerie similarities between Bruce Wayne and Christian Grey, barring the pointy ears. And once you throw Catwoman into the mix, it all starts becoming much more alarming.
Between Marvel Comics and DC Comics, there are an estimated 17,000 superheroes to choose from, pick one. Anyone. There has to be another character with a fresh new story to tell, maybe one with a corduroy fetish this time. He can be a depressed university professor during the day, and fight crime dressed as a turtle at night. I don’t know, just spitballing here. Give me a call Hollywood.
I just don’t think I can withstand to hear another moody pasty-white actor speak like they have a trash compactor in their throat.
I’m also exhausted with the fact that ever since Christopher Nolan introduced us to a ‘realistic’ depiction of Batman, every Batman movie needs to be dripping with gritty realism. I have a news flash; superhero movies are not realistic. If they were, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this article and you wouldn’t sitting there reading it. Instead, we’d both be fighting it out for the future of our beloved city. I, the Turtle-man, and you, my feared nemesis, the Rabbit-person. But don’t worry we’ve got at least two more movies plus an ensemble team trilogy to flesh out the story.
It seems to me that all this ‘realism’ is just a lie we tell ourselves so that we can pretend that we’re not watching utter and complete fiction. Because for some reason that’s a bad thing. I say we embrace it, either we let Batman rest, or we go back to the outrageous gadgets, nonsensical plot and Robin in a speedo (actually wait, maybe not that one).
Funnily enough, I love the campy Batman movies. Batman’s very first appearance on the silver screen was a campy and hilarious take on the masked crusader, running across the city in a gorgeous black underwear with a plethora of onomatopoeias flying across the screen as he punched the joker.
I even loved the George Clooney interpretation, and especially those pointy bat-nipples on the suit, a truly genius addition. That movie also gave us Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze and his iconic cold-based puns, including the likes of “Alright everyone! Chill”, “My condition Has left me cold to your pleas of mercy”, and my personal favorite “Cool Party”.
That last one is groundbreaking, and I won’t let anybody tell me different. I will die on this hill.
I’m not saying that I didn’t like the Dark Knight trilogy, of course I did, it was amazing. Although I will say I think that Tom Hardy was a better villain than Heath Ledger, but I think I’ve voiced enough controversial opinions for one day.
All I’m trying to say is that when I went to go watch The Batman (2022) last month, all I could think of was ‘haven’t I seen this all before?’ The acting was great, the directing was captivating, but it was still just Batman. It was a story I had been told a thousand times before, and just because you add a new coat of paint, in this case a grungy Batman who loves Kurt Cobain, doesn’t mean all the sudden you have a new plot or character on your hands.
