Swiping right. New match. The app urges to say “hello” and that “hey is for horses”. The decision to swipe right. The new match is waiting for a reply that never comes. The temptation to un-match and try again next time. Perhaps it’s the fizzled-out conversations that are put in their graves before they’re even dug or the endless number of matches that a reply hasn’t come from on either end.
We often ask, “What is the point of this?”. We proceed to delete the app, install it after a few days of battling with our dating demons and then install it again; an endless loop we refuse to exit ourselves from.
I’ve been there. I’ve done that and I will be forever grateful that I’m not stuck in that endless loop now. I’ve been burnt out before from the gym and work, but this a whole different burnout on so many levels; not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. You feel so negative about yourself; wondering if prince charming is out there in his fancy car or with a slice of land, but I hate to break it to you; you may need to stop putting tremendous amounts of effort into looking. The one will come to find you when it’s time, believe me, it actually can happen!
I used to spend so much time perfecting my bio, making sure I had all the things that would catch the right guy’s eye. I even threw in a joke at the end and a lot of people loved that, but it never got me anywhere. It didn’t matter how nice my pictures looked or how active I was at replying to people, but nothing ever seemed to be enough, especially when the majority of the time it was a one-sided conversation. Your back would often hurt from carrying that conversation, don’t put yourself through that, it’s not worth it!
Fizzled out conversations is one thing, but how about those matches who are looking for the exact opposite of what you’re looking for. I remember my bio saying that I was looking for something serious and there were times that I got a new match followed by a very quick first message of them saying “Sorry, swiped right by accident, not looking for anything serious, good luck!”. Your eye twitches in that moment and you try not to grind your teeth, but the face you’re making would be one that you’d laugh at later to make yourself feel better. I’ve often laughed psychotically, and I’ll say out loud “Hahaha, that’s fine, that is PERFECTLY fine”. I took it well, I really did. Then some of them don’t even un-match with you after telling you that and you have to do it for them, just rip that plaster off, fast!
The worst part hasn’t even been told yet….
There are the matches that take you away from Tinder and on to Snapchat and you talk for days and those days lead into weeks, maybe even months in some instances. You start to feel like this could go somewhere.
You both make each other smile at your phones. You go on a date. And then….ghosted. After that you start to question everything, every conversation, every little thing is picked at and thrown under a magnifying glass to figure out where you went wrong.
However, I concluded that I did not do anything wrong and that it was wrong of them to invest so much time into making me think that something was to come of this when the end result was as if we were strangers all along. Part of me still doesn’t understand why people do that? Why would you want to waste someone else’s time? Why would you want to lift them up and then dump them like a ton of bricks? Don’t be that person, you wouldn’t like it if someone did that to you.
I’ll leave you with this, my fellow sinners, it gets better. Those days of feeling burnt out from the world of dating and swiping will be followed by days of fun and happiness and company that won’t take advantage of the time you have on earth. Matches will tell you that you’re not exactly what they’re looking for, but we secretly know that they aren’t the ones we are looking for either. Your person is waiting out there somewhere. Patience is a virtue.