By Rachel Garvey
Our attention has been drawn to Tinder, the world-famous dating app where our expectations are either exceeded or crushed. RTÉ’s input into the controversy about dating apps suggests that the majority of individuals that utilise the dating app are prone to their expectations or experiences being regretful ones. The broadcasting company thinks that dating apps are making young daters more resilient to romantic disappointment. The million-euro question looms of whether students are only using Tinder to get used to rejection, or have some people found “The One” on the app?
There are some lucky people out there who are happy in their relationship with someone they have met through Tinder, but there are those who find that being on Tinder comes with this feeling of hopelessness. Chats tend to fizzle out relatively quickly or else someone is on the app for a completely different reason, a reason that is completely opposite to yours. To give a brief experience of my own time on the app, conversations do fizzle out quite a lot and not even 5 messages have been sent between you and your new match. RTÉ’s statement about being more resilient does indeed prove true, as individuals such as myself do become resistant to letting it make them feel sensitive.
RTÉ said, “many of us punish ourselves for disastrous break-ups or an unwanted single status, but we don’t put the time into learning about our own needs or behavioural patterns”. People will commit to a relationship without giving it a second thought and that is where the first mistake is made, people overestimate themselves into thinking that everything will be perfect and that the relationship will be long term, but the end result is quite the opposite. People need to be able to know themselves before they expect their partners to and that does include knowing what you want in life, in addition to knowing your own behavioural patterns so you can deal with them before anyone else.
RTÉ conducted an interview with Dating & Relationship coach, Annie Lavin, about the pros and cons of using the dating app. Annie shared with RTÉ that one pro was that resilience is built, trial and error as most people describe it, and it’s a great way to test your new relationship skills. However, the cons seemed to outweigh the positives on the Libra scales. “If the intention is to meet someone and if they fail at it, there’s a feeling of hopelessness”, Annie explained.
Another issue she highlighted on the con side of things was most people tend to overlook the very basic part of connecting with people in real life. We are overlooking the fact that connecting with people in person seems to be gone down the path of “people don’t do that anymore, online is the path to take”. Online dating may broaden our horizons in the world of relationships, but talking to someone online doesn’t necessarily mean they will be the same in person – they might treat you completely different. We need to get out of the state of mind where online is the place to meet “The One”, because we could easily bump into our future significant other on a night out or be standing behind them in line when we wait for our morning coffee.
“It’s about realising I have my own needs. Do the people I meet understand my needs?” Annie also explains. People will have a better understanding of you in person than they will online. “I think that’s the best way to bring your healthy self to a relationship, by working with somebody to get really clear on what my wounds are so that when I’m in a relationship again and a certain topic comes up, I’ll be aware of where I’m extra sensitive”. In conclusion to this, Tinder can work in many ways, with people either pouring blood, sweat and tears into finding their other half only to end up becoming very disappointed with the end result, or there’s the people who get lucky and find someone who they are compatible with after the first few messages are sent. Rejection isn’t nice, but Tinder is helping us to become resilient to it.